Thankful Perspective...

I've been thinking about it all month, as I've watched people list the things they are thankful for.  Somewhere in my mind, I started a list of practical 'things' [seat belts and airbags for starters] and non practical thoughts about what I may be thankful for....  but it all seemed to come into perspective this weekend, when on Thanksgiving Day, which was my 58th birthday, I placed a call to Florida, to my ex inlaws to wish them a Happy Thanksgiving and to check on them.  'Dad' will be 90 next year and mom to be 89.  After nearly 68 years of marriage, they live unassisted and manage ~ despite immense medical issues.  I was greeted by my ex BIL, and the news that 'mom' had passed the night before.  

The magnitude of shock that exploded in my heart is still raw for me, the tears unpredictable, and ache of love for my 'other' mother of 39 years just hangs heavy.  It can't have been ten days since we last spoke, and as always, I told her I loved her.  And I did.... The end went fast for her, for that I am thankful, there were enough conditions to weigh her down.   I was only married to her son for 8 pretty bad years, but she is my son's grandmother, she was always my friend and I have never stopped loving or respecting her....

After Bernie and my mother died [within 22 days of each other] I flew to be with them, [their son/my ex had died a few years before]. Just being with them brought me some comfort, I was at home there.  And I've been there quite a few times since, even bringing David to meet them.  The funeral is on Tuesday and I can not go.  I have travel restrictions from the accident and am devastated not to be there.  But I know from all that has happened to me in the past few years, that it will be more important to have time for 'dad' hopefully after my travel restrictions have passed.   

I had to break the news to Clint when he called to wish me a Happy Birthday.  It had been a festive day in their apartment in Istanbul.  They celebrated Thanksgiving with about 40 people. I'm glad his day was nearly over when I had to tell him his nanna had passed.  I know there is some regret for not getting there this past summer so that nanna could meet his new wife...  but in general his regrets are also few.

It's the memories that sustain me, the precious threads of thoughts that bring the past into the present and let me be touched again and again with what really matters from life.  The memories I make now and the memories of all that has passed, I pray never to lose them.  Memories and time well spent, for that I will always be thankful.....